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I have never had a problem with ice cube trays beyond roommates never filling them. And I've usually had a freezer that has a special slot at the top for them.

 

Welcome back Merco! Good to see you again.

 

Still without a computer. Things have been insanely hectic for me lately.

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Had a fucking great time at the manga expo today. Took a bunch of pictures with cosplayers (which our group leader has so I'll show them when he uploads it) and met my old IT tech from high school. Turns out he was cosplaying with his son AND he had a god damn Knight Rider car. Also took a pic of this car fully funded by the Marine Corps. (not even joking)

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Here's what I got today

 

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Anyways I spent about 11 hours with the chinese cartoons club group I met up with for the first time today. There were four of us and we had a blast, had lunch, went to the expo and took a bunch of pictures and talked with a bunch of people, then we went to the leaders house and we started lending each other manga and stuff. After that we went to a huge manga store and I ended buying those figurines up there, then we went to eat ramen for dinner and had a huge discussion about chinese cartoons and shit, it was great. We're going to be meeting up a lot now and we're even going to the Winter Comiket up in Tokyo later this year.

 

Had a blast, good times, just what I needed.

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So, the lease for my apartment ends soon, so my roommates discussed future plans. It was decided that I move out due to incompatibilities. Incompatibilities that I think are bullshit, but I didn't really have much choice in the matter, so I'm moving back to my mom's to save money for a new apartment.

 

I also find out that one of my best friends is stabbing me in the back, worming his way through my roommates to try and get me kicked out of my apartment simply because I wasn't 'paying enough attention to him' (my roommates are aware of it now too, and the decision to boot me out was unrelated to my other friend being a manipulative jackass).

 

Then, I find out my diabetes is actually type 1, and that it was inherited, meaning that my diet didn't set it on, but I'm stuck with the disease for for the rest of my life. I'm now on insulin shots that I must take regularly.

 

Worst of all, I got fired this past Saturday because I was late earlier in the week and on final warning for other time and attendance issues. So now not only do I have to move back to mom's to save money, but I have to find a new job AND find a way to cover my medical bills for taking care of my diabetes.

 

Does anything else want to go wrong? Because if fate wants to fuck me over harder, now'd be the time to do it.

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So. Classes.

I got 4 classes: Advanced Video Editing, Media Aesthetics, Web coding, and an OrgCom class.

I'm shit at coding and the first few assignments have not turned out well its an online course thats instuctions are all over the place. It feels like the lesson plan for this class was thrown together from other lectures (the professor uses his wife's instructional videos from another class).  I expected. it would be a challenge and I will probably get the hang of it just in time to make my C.

The OrgCom class looks kinda daunting. The people in the class are all different, mostly business majors. So far they have shown to be less than stellar. I enjoy that class the least.

With my new job I suddenly have an amount of spending money, which is all going to go towards equipment (instruments, recording equipment, mixers, and a used laptop to record with). 

I got offered to help edit together our campus' TV program, Norse Access. I've agreed to make the intro, outro, bumps and editing the final product. Unfortunately the due date is next week and I can't get started until late monday after I've installed premiere on my computer. I also have to work tuesday and wednesday night, with mother class projects due this and next week. Whoo. 

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I went to the local Renaissance fair yesterday. Used bits of my wizard costume to make a pretty basic medieval getup.

I bought a sweet Renaissance era replica sword, and it was supposed to be combat-ready but it broke today after some heavy use.

I think there may have already been a crack in the tang where it broke. either way I emailed them and I hope they let me replace it because I payed $170 for it.

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Sup fags. I'm alive, dunno about you guys.

 

First half of the summer I worked for Atlus, did testing for a game called Etrian Odyssey Untold. Not only was working on that game a dream come true, it's also a great game and you all should try the demo if you haven't.

 

Then I went to Ireland. It was a significant enough experience for me to consider post-Ireland a different chapter of my life.

 

Right now I have no work until like December at the soonest (unless i find a new job), I can't afford school, and my car is inoperable. But I'm doing tabletop games three times a week (running it on mondays) to keep sane.

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Went to a halloween party last night. Dressed as a wizard, and later just the cloak which made everyone think I was a sith lord.

-Someone handed me a puppy when I got there, sat down with it and it fell asleep on my lap for an hour

-hostess gave me a free weed cookie

-party of people upstairs came down and attempted to steal liquor. Buncha slutty girls dressed as bengal cheerleaders (saw money stuffed in their skirts, cmon) and giant thuggin dudes. resulted in conflict and buncha people leaving

-humiliated myself by knocking over 2 glasses, but everyone that saw was really drunk and passed out soon after so it was fine

-met 2 other introverted kids and talked with them a bit. One of them was into sprite comics back when and read planet zebeth! Only reason the party wasnt a bad time

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Well, did some actual digging and found out which email I registerd PJ with and back to using this one.

 Just had my 10th anniversary and whatever, him and I are ok. It is the other shit happening that is causing us to fall apart.

My dogs are dead, all of them under suspicous and confusing circumstances.  The garden I was keeping for the last 8 years was completely desimated by my mothers employees...and don't you tell me for one second that mother fucker doesn't know what a 6 foot lavender plant looks like.  It feels absolutely deliberate.

 I am in a really bad place emotionally it's just desolate. I mentioned some of it on FB and perfer not to rehash it for here.

I feel like I have lost all motivation and hope. My friends... I watched their cats from june to the middle of october... all 7 of them.  I ask for small favours back like ... I really needed some shrooms for the anniversary.. we are just too stuck in this frame of mind and needed out.  The fucker just act's like he can't get any... but I know they have gotten some two or three times over the summer, I get told about this afterwards of course.

 It's getting to the point where I don't feel like I have people who treat us as well as we have treated them in the past 8 years.  Now that shit has REALLY hit the fan it seems like ... I am noticing it more or it is actually getting much worse.

 My husband and I have the same massive depression going on, only he has the blessing of being bi-polar to begin with.  I am the one that dissasociates and apparently I have been pushing even the nice things he is trying to connect with me over, away. I am shutting down and I don't know how to stop it.  We keep getting these letters from a lawyers office that are increasingly harassing, and it is basically being shown they want to sue us.

 If I didn't have Brant to be with I would feel utterly desolate and alone more than I ever have in my entire life.

This lawsuit thing is bringing up old wounds I thought I matured past.  I was told as a kid that, my parents both wanted to abort me... but mom claims hers was a last minute decision to keep me. (She had already had 6 abortions before she had my sister, and then when I came along ... I was set to be vaccumed out also.)  With this knowledge I have found it easy to believe I do not belong, and people actually see me as the interloper just for breathing.

 I thought I had conquered that shit when I found someone who valued me.   All of this confusion and death and law crap has left me feeling all of this burden of not supposed to be here swirling around my guts.

 I have been to the doctor we both have, I was worse off before we went because at least now I have an anti-depressant that is for the night that is helping me actually sleep.  I woke up today after de-activating my facebook last night feeling... like I don't even want to hang out with my pathetic self.  I just have that.. hatred ... I guess is the word.

 Not sure deactivating FB was or is going to help with any of my needing to focus on my mental health or not ... but it's worth a shot.

 I wrote an open letter to my contacts on FB and else wise that not many people have actually read, it say's it all.

I keep trying to make my life smaller and easier to handle so I deleted like 60 people this summer, and I don't know that it helped.  I just feel loss in a way I have never felt. I don't think hope exists for me right now.

 

 Anyway, hell of a first post after not logging in for a year and a half?

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Find something you love to do and just focus on getting yourself to a place where you can do that for a living, and say fuck all to the rest. That means finding a way to get the education and skills prerequisite to accomplishing just that.

I am also aware I am a bit hypocritical saying this, since I hate everything and don't know what I want to do with myself and also I'm a lazy asshole.  Despite that, I find that definite goals for the future always help get me out of depression slumps.

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I'm not exactly in the greatest state of mind either.

 

I'm starting to get my diabetes under control, but it's still depressing knowing I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life. I can't find a new job, and the work I'm trained for has virtually no demand where I live. My former roommates booted me out when the first lease expired, I think they're trying to keep me from getting my deposit back, and I have a feeling that somebody took the keys I had to help with that. I'm living with my mom again and whenever I try to bring up any issues I'm having with myself it seems like she tries to change the subject and dodge what I'm trying to convey or ignore it completely. My biggest passion is drawing comics, and I haven't done anything of the sort since... I can't remember when. My haunted house, one of the best things to ever happen to me, didn't even try to run this year (after dropping at the last minute last year), so I didn't even have that to keep my spirits up. After losing 100 pounds since last November, I've gained about 30 back in the past couple months largely in part due to overeating as a coping mechanism for how shit I've been feeling lately, and I find myself trying to justify it by saying "at least it isn't alcohol."

 

It's been about a year now since everything started to look up for me, but now I'm right back where I started, feeling like I've given up on everything because everything's given up on me. I feel bad even for typing all this, but I need to vent SOMEWHERE.

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Find something you love to do and just focus on getting yourself to a place where you can do that for a living, and say fuck all to the rest. That means finding a way to get the education and skills prerequisite to accomplishing just that.

I am also aware I am a bit hypocritical saying this, since I hate everything and don't know what I want to do with myself and also I'm a lazy asshole.  Despite that, I find that definite goals for the future always help get me out of depression slumps.

If this were a more private place to type the entire situation, I could point a few things out.  I have goals, totally working on them. I know you meant to be helpful.  I want to like dialouge this.

 

I'm not exactly in the greatest state of mind either.

 

I'm starting to get my diabetes under control, but it's still depressing knowing I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life. I can't find a new job, and the work I'm trained for has virtually no demand where I live. My former roommates booted me out when the first lease expired, I think they're trying to keep me from getting my deposit back, and I have a feeling that somebody took the keys I had to help with that. I'm living with my mom again and whenever I try to bring up any issues I'm having with myself it seems like she tries to change the subject and dodge what I'm trying to convey or ignore it completely. My biggest passion is drawing comics, and I haven't done anything of the sort since... I can't remember when. My haunted house, one of the best things to ever happen to me, didn't even try to run this year (after dropping at the last minute last year), so I didn't even have that to keep my spirits up. After losing 100 pounds since last November, I've gained about 30 back in the past couple months largely in part due to overeating as a coping mechanism for how shit I've been feeling lately, and I find myself trying to justify it by saying "at least it isn't alcohol."

 

It's been about a year now since everything started to look up for me, but now I'm right back where I started, feeling like I've given up on everything because everything's given up on me. I feel bad even for typing all this, but I need to vent SOMEWHERE.

Squig, you said a lot of what my internal thoughts are, just change some words like Diabetes with Crohn's disease. I am sorry your mom is being a complete  non emotional support, my mother in law is this way with my husband and it is really hard to see.  I think they are in denial in their own lives and make it completely hard to relate to anything in reality.      Health can be at every size, just keep in mind with that. It is all about what you are happy with, and you know... how the labs check out on that.  Don't define yourself on weight define yourself by diagnostics and how you feel.

 You have hit a plateau and this shit sucks to say, but I think that is why I am majorly depressed as well.  

 Everything hasn't given up on you, if you haven't given up on you.  (this is my mantra lately)

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Had a decent thanksgiving. The age gap has closed considerably between my family members (I've always been the youngest by about 6 years) and myself. I had a great conversation with my great uncle about technology, what I got from him was surprisingly accurate, in his own digital immigrant way. I still don't stick around for much longer than I have to, though. 

I've been playing a lot of music, and begun recording some stuff. I can't finalize it until I get my synthesizer software though. I jam with a few groups of people, some I would never do serious work with; I would rather do everything myself if I can. 

The end of university is coming and I can see a lot of things changing socially. Everyone seems to be breaking ties and making new ones, just in the way we all speak to eachother and the frequency of our interactions. I also see this change in myself. I'm trying to make headway into other groups of kids but progress is slow. 

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Signed up for some more classes this year, missed the registration date by a few days because the college has a habit of not announcing it and now two of my classes are wait-listed. 

Onwards to 2014.

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Haven't felt much urge to post about it, but here's an update.

 

I got a job late last month out of the blue. I was on my way to my grandparent's house to clean the pool and I got a call from Kwirkworld (sells funny gag stuff, novelties, and clothing) saying they wanted to hire me! I'd been following up every week for a while to get updates on hiring, but eventually they told me they weren't going to have any openings. But now, somebody had quit for school so they had an opening. I started that same day, and I'm getting my second paycheck today.

 

I'm really glad I got this job, I'd been feeling absolutely terrible. It's been a huge boost to my mood and self esteem. I still feel kinda crap sometimes but at least I don't have quite as much weighing down on me.

 

I got some early birthday money from my grandparents to get a pair of boots for Belegarth, some nice dark leather wellingtons which are supposed to arrive some time today. It's also looking like I may be able to go to a Belegarth event in Chino next month, which is great because I missed it last year.

 

In short, feeling a TON better having a job.

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My trip to California went splendidly. I had my doubts about spending every hour of 10 days and nights with my friends again but it was as great as ever. Never had anything less than an incredible meal, did a lot of shopping, saw a lot of cool stuff. Spent a lot of money, but this is why I save it up the rest of the year.

 

I haven't felt all that stressed out from my job thus far, but when I opened up my laptop to read my work email after arriving, it felt like a huge burden was crushing me. It was scary how sudden the transition was, it was like being back in school during the worst of it. I guess that explains why I can feel tired after a day of sitting around an office, and it lines up with what I've always heard about office work, I just didn't think it would be so intense. Makes my desire to make my fortune and get out of the game all the more powerful.

 

The best thing about this trip might have been meeting my friends' neighbor. He works for Akamai and asked for my resume. Last night, he said he'd told some friends about me and was going to send my information to a guy from Apple. Mostly for QA positions, but I'm still blown away, hoping I can come back for good a lot sooner than I was planning.

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WOOOOH LIVING THE DREAM! Congrats dude. That's crazy good news. Hopefully you'll get to move to California, live near your best friends, have a sweet dream job, and still be a nervous, stressed-out wreck like the rest of us.

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Nice, Diss. 

I'm in Atlanta for the next few days, after spending christmas eve with my Dad and christmas day with my Mom. Neither of those were eventful and it was kinda borking and awkward. I got everything I asked for (A chair and a mixer, you know you're an adult when you ask for a chair for christmas)

Hopefully I'll be able to see KingRidley again, as I always try to when I come down here. I'll letcha know how that goes.

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Visited Armon.

He and his roomates were cool, we just hung around by the fire pit then played some video games. Conversation did not stop and a lot of it was about our internet/jenova exploits. 

rSjR1ue.jpg

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