Jump to content
Project Jenova

Fuck it

  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Fuck it last won the day on November 9 2013

Fuck it had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

39 Good

About Fuck it

  • Rank
    Rocking perspectives since '85
  • Birthday 03/26/1985

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Interests
    Monotype corsiva was my font, ff0066 was my color, '02 I joined in November.

Contact Methods

  • Skype

Recent Profile Visitors

2,807 profile views
  1. Something cool to go back and read! Boss.
  2. I can work with that. Put it on what looks default and giving it a go. Thanks Seems to work, again thanks.
  3. I have a lot of catching up with you guys to do. I feel so lost in here. I never planned on being away so long. Basically yeah 28 was a really hard year and 29 is getting some shock waves that at times I thought would bring a separation with my husband of 10+ years. Patience has been the biggest key. Patience and anything above 6.5% abv. None of the problems are in the root of the relationship it's basically everything else going on that made us crazy. See: Camp, Drama, Over the Top, Bullshit. Feeling much more secure now. I am still having issues with my sexuality but I have a hard time talking about it. It ain't all been horrible. but good times 'shore is fast. Blink and you miss. I don't know how to do IRC and I need to look at your name changes to figure out who you are all over again. I somehow lost passwords and track of which email I had attached to this account. People died. I lost my mind. It took me a mintue to screw my head back on. I missed you guys and I am proud to watch you guys catching up on your lives. Depending on what happens with my life, and what I want... I've always wanted to do this too. Let my pad be sort of a resting pad for my PJ people. Like so much. I am in So Cal and if I inheret any land I will have a nice laid back place prepped in a natural ampitheatre.
  4. I have no idea how to do IRC I just found out. I just smoked but that's no excuse for stupid...
  5. Welp my grandma died. Planned 90% of the funeral with my uncle. Not a lot is happening right now... just everything. She was like a sister/mentor/mother figure to me. I consider both bio parents absentee. I am in the tenth year of my marriage to my husband. About to turn 29. I feel fat. I feel depressed and overwraught with taking care of people throughout my 20's. I feel more Crohn's patienty than ever. I have no idea how to gain control until we aren't being sued anymore. Once that case is through I will have more of a life plan. I miss my dogs, all three of them I had 5 years ago are dead. Cats are cool but... I miss my fucking dogs and I know who helped kill them each off. That same mother fucker just got in a fist fight with a neighbor after valentines day. I can't like California anymore, not even if I tried. But yet more than ever I feel like this is my belonging place. I hope it is a lie. I can't trust my neighbors to remain civil and not physically threaten me, so leaving my yard feels huge right now. Anger is a big word for me right now. So is Zen, and Humor. I found out my number is 7 this year, and from what I hear from Vegas, that is a good number. I am waiting to accept the consequences of this year.
  6. Yo, Ben bro, been in Corona Ca since 1985. Hollah. Besides replying to Ben, Grandma died this month, dealing with emotions ... no big changes in 5 years since Grandpa died. Still drinking when I can, still being better at being a woman. Still smokin when I got em. Fuck this shit honestly ........ I cannot wait till I get out of Cali again. Until then... hit me up on here or via FB Derp In touch. She should have also said 1885
  7. Someone paid for me to get a paid membership. Ganeymede or however they spelled it, confessed they did it. Cool enough, but they were super mysterious and sort of just vanished after adding me on LiveJournal. Strange folks blew threw here. I was DarkDameDeCali, and a fuck ton of other cliche usernames.
  8. OMG!!!! I hadn't visited for like a year and you still did this for me? I fucking love you homies. This made me misty eyed in a good way. Much Hap-penis!
  9. Dude... Dude.. and I say this and I hope the beer breath comes through on this... This is PJ. This is the Undead. Time has no meaning here.
  10. I have always had orgasms in my sleep since I can remember. Last year was a year that I barely had any. All of a sudden at 28, I am having multiple orgasms in my sleep, and they never made me wet before but last three months this year they do. I am so goddamned confused by this, but a complaint this is not. For instance, last night the dream started about diffusing a bomb in a parking structure and after that, I dreamed I was laying back playing with one of my new vibrators and got walked in on, I told them to join in or gtfo, and most of them left. I woke up right after my second one entirely confused but I felt awesome. I just stumble out of bed and sort of feel awesome. My husband is jealous only beause he has never ever had nocturnal emissions in his life.
  11. If this were a more private place to type the entire situation, I could point a few things out. I have goals, totally working on them. I know you meant to be helpful. I want to like dialouge this. Squig, you said a lot of what my internal thoughts are, just change some words like Diabetes with Crohn's disease. I am sorry your mom is being a complete non emotional support, my mother in law is this way with my husband and it is really hard to see. I think they are in denial in their own lives and make it completely hard to relate to anything in reality. Health can be at every size, just keep in mind with that. It is all about what you are happy with, and you know... how the labs check out on that. Don't define yourself on weight define yourself by diagnostics and how you feel. You have hit a plateau and this shit sucks to say, but I think that is why I am majorly depressed as well. Everything hasn't given up on you, if you haven't given up on you. (this is my mantra lately)
  12. Well, did some actual digging and found out which email I registerd PJ with and back to using this one. Just had my 10th anniversary and whatever, him and I are ok. It is the other shit happening that is causing us to fall apart. My dogs are dead, all of them under suspicous and confusing circumstances. The garden I was keeping for the last 8 years was completely desimated by my mothers employees...and don't you tell me for one second that mother fucker doesn't know what a 6 foot lavender plant looks like. It feels absolutely deliberate. I am in a really bad place emotionally it's just desolate. I mentioned some of it on FB and perfer not to rehash it for here. I feel like I have lost all motivation and hope. My friends... I watched their cats from june to the middle of october... all 7 of them. I ask for small favours back like ... I really needed some shrooms for the anniversary.. we are just too stuck in this frame of mind and needed out. The fucker just act's like he can't get any... but I know they have gotten some two or three times over the summer, I get told about this afterwards of course. It's getting to the point where I don't feel like I have people who treat us as well as we have treated them in the past 8 years. Now that shit has REALLY hit the fan it seems like ... I am noticing it more or it is actually getting much worse. My husband and I have the same massive depression going on, only he has the blessing of being bi-polar to begin with. I am the one that dissasociates and apparently I have been pushing even the nice things he is trying to connect with me over, away. I am shutting down and I don't know how to stop it. We keep getting these letters from a lawyers office that are increasingly harassing, and it is basically being shown they want to sue us. If I didn't have Brant to be with I would feel utterly desolate and alone more than I ever have in my entire life. This lawsuit thing is bringing up old wounds I thought I matured past. I was told as a kid that, my parents both wanted to abort me... but mom claims hers was a last minute decision to keep me. (She had already had 6 abortions before she had my sister, and then when I came along ... I was set to be vaccumed out also.) With this knowledge I have found it easy to believe I do not belong, and people actually see me as the interloper just for breathing. I thought I had conquered that shit when I found someone who valued me. All of this confusion and death and law crap has left me feeling all of this burden of not supposed to be here swirling around my guts. I have been to the doctor we both have, I was worse off before we went because at least now I have an anti-depressant that is for the night that is helping me actually sleep. I woke up today after de-activating my facebook last night feeling... like I don't even want to hang out with my pathetic self. I just have that.. hatred ... I guess is the word. Not sure deactivating FB was or is going to help with any of my needing to focus on my mental health or not ... but it's worth a shot. I wrote an open letter to my contacts on FB and else wise that not many people have actually read, it say's it all. I keep trying to make my life smaller and easier to handle so I deleted like 60 people this summer, and I don't know that it helped. I just feel loss in a way I have never felt. I don't think hope exists for me right now. Anyway, hell of a first post after not logging in for a year and a half?
  13. Fuck it


    I figured either coincidence or I missed something huge for years.
  14. I have a lot to say but I will take anothe time. Soon I will have wifi dsl and stuff at home and when that happens I have to do an account overhaul, I can't tell if I've been hacked or not but all my closest friends have been if anyone can help me figure it out I need it or I'm facing maybe a shit ton of moving and changing my personal contacts. I have no idea how far the rabbit hole goes so I'm kinda overwhelmed. I'll check back in a few days when I've done preliminary checks when the internet is on. Hoping for tips :P
  • Create New...